


Unclubable

by Olivier_Ambrose



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, F/F, Fairytale Land, True Love, enchanted forest, mentions of robin but this is a swanqueen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:22:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29553477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olivier_Ambrose/pseuds/Olivier_Ambrose
Summary: A portal picks up our Mayor Regina Mills from wherever and dumps her in alternate realities and timelines where she sees what happens when made a different decision. Every time it lifts off the weight of guilt of her past choices and quite possibly take her one step close to her own happy ending.This time the portal dumps her in Enchanted Forest.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	1. Inclubable




	2. Chapter 2

The fuck-me heels threatened to break on the shaking ground as it shook vigorously underneath her. She sighed. Why has this been happening to her? She had no idea. Out of nowhere these time portals just picks her up from Storybrooke and dumps it in alternate realities. If this was Fate showing her what could’ve been if she had taken the few opportunities given to her, Destiny had a cruel way of rubbing salt in her wounds.

Regina dusted off the dust from her Armani; because Regina was a queen and queens wore nothing if not best.

Last time the portal whisked her away, she watched the pre-evil queen version of her married to Robin and working as a bar maid while Robin gallivanted throughout the kingdom and she was left behind to serve god-awful ale to men who thought grabbing at her ass came with the ale.  
She winced at the memory. The tears in her different-reality was like a slap in the face. The fact that she regretted the choice of leaving the tavern until she watched this version be miserable.

Regina remembers vividly dumping two heavy bags of gold coins in the miserable versions lap and give her a fistful of magic beans. The cloak felt heavy at that time.  
‘Go. Take your freedom. Live your life.’ She told the timid version of herself and gave her memories of the alternate land-without-magic so she could survive and live.

The spell broke abruptly when she head the familiar hooves on the tar road. It was then Regina noticed where she was. She was in Dark Kingdom, during her reign as the Evil Queen. Regina had barely ducked out of vision with a cloak before the carriage stopped ten feet away from her and lo and behold she saw a black combat boot setting down from the carriage.

An armed knight stepped out of the carriage and placed a hand towards the carriage where the Evil queen stepped out.  
The red velvet jacket with black trims and a black waistcoat paired with the tightest leather pants she remembers. Regina raised her eyebrows remembering exactly how much those heels hurt.

‘you know your majesty, the idea of a date is that you and I spend some time together and how will that happen if you’re surrounded by your guards.’ 

Regina could only blink as a pouting Emma Swan appeared with her platinum blonde tied in a tight bun she recognises. The Dark Swan.

With a smirk, the Evil Queen flicks her hand and Regina watches in complete horror at how all the guards drop dead on the ground with an audible crick.

The Mayor’s mind screams, Emma will never condone this kind of behaviour. 

The dark Swan’s pout transforms into a predatory grin and she clicks her tongue. ‘Now, now. You’re Majesty. If you keep up with that behaviour how the poor ole I can keep my hands to myself?’

Regina blinks. I did not expect that. She still watches the scene unfold curious to see how this ending turns out.

The Evil Queen pulls the dark swan close, their lips barely touching and the sexual energy cracking the air. The matriarch’s hat is yanked off from her head and dark swan slams both in the nearest tree.

‘What do you say, your majesty. Ready to raze a village?’ they make out heavily and my god, Regina looks away because its too hot and possessive- its perfect. In all her years no one every accepted the dark side of her. It was always, be good Regina. Regina you’re not dark anymore. Regina you’re a hero now.

But no one accepted her the way her Emma did. The way this Dark Swan did. The forest does very little to mask the growls and groans erupting from her evil-twin and the blondie. 

‘After that we can visit your mother and show her how right I am for you.’

Regina purses her lips, yes this alternate reality is weird as hell. 

‘And then I can show you exactly how I make you my queen.’ The Queen growls back in reply.

The Storybrooke Regina looks something between awed, surprised and jealous of this Evil Queen.

It wasn’t lost on any of them the way they both looked at each, completely in love yet filled with darkness up to the brim.  
Truly psychotic, Regina noted. But a weight was lifted off her heart knowing that this is what true love is. This is what acceptance is all about. This is how a relationship be, and not hide yourself from the person you’re supposed to love.

Regina could only look longingly as- true to her words- the pair who portray the definition of psychopath raze and burn an entire village of innocent and guilty alike and warm their hands on the corpses.

The mayor wipes a tear when The Evil Queen leans back on the dark swan and closes her eyes. To her that’s the most vulnerable she could’ve been in public.  
Regina’s mouth curls in a whimper when she sees matching rings glinting in the moonlight. 

The Evil Queen married the Dark Swan.

How about that.

Regina feels the familiar pull of the time portal and gives one last glance at the pair who lazily kiss and laugh at the chaos they did.  
With that image in her head, Regina steps back in the portal, only then realising that the rings were not just marriage rings, but the Dark One’s dagger melted with hellfire.  
It doesn’t matter what people thought of them. They truly loved each other.

It was true love.

Regina closes her eyes and wipes the tears from her eyes and imagines her own home at Mifflin. And disappears into the portal.


	3. 2

Boring.

It was a boring day. That’s how Regina would describe it. Despite ruining Snow White’s shirt scoff-worthy sweater with coffee Regina is yet unsatisfied and the dull throb in her heart doesn’t go away no matter what. 

‘Madam Mayor why so glum? I heard you called my father incompetent today, shouldn’t that make you happy?’

The teasing tilt in Emma’s voice brings a small smile on her face and she looks up through her long eyelashes at the sheriff who still adorns tight jeans and red pleather jacket that she absolutely despises. Even though they are at the diner for breakfast (just like every other day) Regina’s eyes don’t waver from green-grey ones. Not even ruby’s hustle bustle breaks the spell or granny who threatens to bolt Leroy in the ass if he keeps on stalking Nova.

Her breath hitches softly when Emma bumps their shoulders together urging her scoot inside the booth. The memory of Dark Swan and Evil Queen still stamped on the Hope Wall of her brain makes the ache in her chest fire up. Every alternate of me had a happy ending, then why not me?

‘Do you honestly think that I will be satisfied just by insulting your mother’s atrocious fashion and cooking skills and your- never mind. The point is, that I will be only satisfied when both of them fall into a sleeping curse, my dear.’

She’s studying Emma hard, seeing if this Emma is just as accepting as the other versions she’s met so far. Seeing if maybe this is what fate wants her to do.  
Emma snorts and looks wide eyed at Regina- and the mayor’s hope diminishes instantly at the panic in green eyes, apparently this version is gonna judge. Damn Fate. Of course Emma will think she’s serious about the sleeping curse. Always a villain even when she is not.

She slouches in her seat for a second until Cora’s voice reminds her not to slouch. It’s unbecoming of a Queen.

‘Please don’t,’ Emma begs. ‘If you wanna put a sleeping curse on them, do it on mom, because I’m not changing Neal’s diapers.’ She laughs softly, voice falling into slight husk. ‘I do not wanna be in that situation ever again.’

Regina’s head whips, almost splashing her coffee onto the sheriff, she could only blink. Wait a second now-

‘So you want me to put your mom in sleeping curse.’ She enunciates slowly as if teaching a toddler.

Emma shrugs in good nature, the twinkle in her eyes looks playful because she knows Regina would not do anything like that, and she’s come too far. ‘Snitches get stiches.’  
Regina laughs softly in her egg white frittata, the image in her brain was too funny of Emma calling her own mother ‘snitch’.

‘If you’re done scheming in your head I have a couple ideas you can use to make my mom miserable.’ Regina’s heart gives a stutter when Emma leans in and a waft of soft lavender wafts in her nose. Saviour pulls out her phone and shows her a couple embarrassing pictures of her mother for either blackmailing or printing them out on a billboard.

Regina looks so soft when she’s gazing at Emma, and how she could not, every single version of Emma is a perfect piece for every version of herself. My god, how could she have been this stupid for past three years. The eye sex, the lack of personal boundaries when they fought, the crackling sexual tension (something Mulan had pointed out, who was profusely sweating and cursing about how you shouldn’t put the queen and Saviour in the same room)

How to get the Saviour to taste my forbidden fruit.

Regina lets her head thud on the wall in shock, it’s been right there. Idiot is what she is. Suddenly a lot of things made sense, Emma’s awkward blinking when she spoke fondly of Robin. Emma following her when she was upset at no matter what, bringing her coffee with small cranberry muffins she loved but never ate because mother instilled ‘watch what you eat, Regina. However will you attract Kings?’

‘Look if these ideas don’t make the Queen happy, I don’t know what will.’ Emma looks at Regina with puppy eyes because she knows Regina will always be the planner and Emma will be the doer.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Regina smiles the queenliest smile- curved on one side and too wide with murder in her eyes- and watches as Emma’s eyes widen because she’s met the Queen back in the Enchanted Forest while the Evil Queen massacred village after villages hunting for the bratty princess.   
The blonde looks at her with so much awe and affection that it makes Regina want to burst into rainbows- no wait, that’d too gay, even for her- and kiss Emma until her lungs burn.

‘I have the perfect idea..’ she’s shocked to find at how Emma’s eyes dilate at the Queen’s voice, and yes, how could she have been so stupid to miss such huge neon signs. This side of her tempts the saviour. Look at that; Emma might have a taste for angry brunettes dipped in darkness.

Giggling like teenagers they both exit the diner and go on to perfect their own petty crimes and pranks just like they have been for past three months. And my god, she really must have pissed on Fates parade the way it would take her away in the most ridiculous of times.  
Buying all the supplies for their criminal activities with Regina’s metal credit card because who’s gonna catch these two; one’s a sheriff and another a mayor. People of Storybrooke just don’t stand a chance. Not when the evil queen and the saviour team up.

People simply smile and give Regina thumbs up when they watch the Evil Queen stick dark purple post it notes on Snow White’s horribly transport. Maybe this is what acceptance is all about. The people never think of her as the evil queen even when she once spray painted Mary Margaret’s birdhouse. And how did the people find out? The same purple had somehow stained her expensive-as a-kidney heels and the board of directors simply laughed when Snow white accused heartily (while smiling) about how Regina ruined her life and her pretty things. And when Emma arrived and told about the situation, she was quick to drop on one knee and wiped the paint off from her heels.  
Because in the saviour's words ‘queen don’t crouch’

How how wrong she was, Regina muses and continues sticking post it’s in the lime green vehicle. The charming clan had a weird fascination with weird colours. First the yellow bug. Then Snows lime green van (which looked like a kidnapping vehicle to be honest.) and David’s gross fungus grey truck. Yuck.  
She could’ve done it with magic but the fact that Emma was writing Evil Queen Quotes on the post-it while Regina decides where to put them was too pure and too good of an opportunity to pass up.

‘I shall destroy your happiness if it’s the last thing I do.’

‘Snow white sucks.’

‘I despise your flowery sweaters.’

‘I was a better ruler than you Snow.’

‘You make the worst pies I’ve ever eaten.’ That one gives Regina a pause and she watches as Emma’s mouth form a devious grin. She shakes her head and continues sticking it because of course Emma can be conniving too, and the dull throb in her heart diminishes away and fills with warm adoration because if this is the diluted darkness of the Saviour, she’ll take it. Especially if it against her own mother.

When the entire car looks more purple than lime green, they both hide and wait for the princess to come out of school and give a horrific screech which makes Emma and Regina childishly laugh and hi-five like kids.

‘That what you get Snow.’ The Evil Queens voice booms and the children who just exited the school snigger and watch as Snow White gapes and sputters but Regina always has been dramatic one and continues boasting of her petty crime. ‘I shall destroy your car, if it is the last thing I do.’

The people on the sidewalk roar out in small laughter and watch as Snow White tries to chase Evil queen, even though Regina is wearing her impractical high heel boots Snow White still cannot keep trail in her idiotic sneakers.

‘Keep up Snow, you better not keel over right now.’ Regina’s husky chuckle teases the princess and she disappears in smoke which earns her a wail and protest.


End file.
